This isn’t what I thought I would post today. I have been working on something else entirely. But, yesterday I wasn’t exactly living what I know…it was more like forgetting what I know. Then as I was writing that other post, a third option occurred to me…writing about what you know. I don’t want to just write about what I know here…I really want to live it and I know that is what the universe wants for me…it is the same impulse. I couldn’t post something that wasn’t truly in the energy I am in. The other post will have to wait until I am ready to live it more fully. That time will come soon enough. The blessing is that the words don’t really come unless you’re vibrating in that space (meaning, it’s not well written at all yet). I am grateful for that…it is a wonderful practice.
Yesterday, my personal best wasn’t so great. I was losing my patience, taking things personally, basically just living in a state of reaction instead of presence. All these little choices turned into a not so great day. I allowed all those choices to happen and created suffering for myself and for those around me. Basically, I let fear take over and thoroughly take me off track. I kind of stayed in the mode of feeling down and upset with myself for not choosing to live all that I know. I felt exhausted, scared and sad. I didn’t really resist it, it just took over and I let it.
I stumbled into an old present moment reminder midday from Eckhart Tolle TV that said:
‘Life isn’t as serious as my mind makes it out to be.’ Eckhart Tolle
I smiled. My heart let out a little sigh of relief and I began to heal. I didn’t really rush myself, I just turned towards love as I decided to love myself through my failure. I know that being hard on myself will help nothing (I have done that enough). I knew that the next day wouldn’t be like this one and I would learn from it. There was a lot of learning going on throughout the day. Our failures can show us so much if we are willing to look directly at them. As I nurtured my soul a bit and allowed myself to do whatever comforted me, I realized how lovely it feels to dwell in a place where you really do know that All IS WELL. Even if you have let illusions of fear creep in, they will pass. You can really feel that all is well even as you feel like you failed because all is well and it all happens just as it should.
This morning, I feel rejuvenated and ready to choose from stillness again. I chose the unfamiliar this morning as the kids and I ate breakfast outside and enjoyed all the sights and sounds of nature. We all experienced a fresh new look at the day and a renewed energy towards really living what we know. So, was it really failure after all if it takes you to a morning of watching your kids and yourself delight in dragonflies and hummingbirds? If it was failure, then perhaps a new way of looking at failure is in order.
Whether your failure is big or small…love yourself through it. It is there to show you something. Be kind to yourself in success and failure, for all that really matters is love.