Live What You Know

Sometimes when you find yourself on a spiritual seeking endeavor or a “path” towards enlightenment or simply trying to become the best version of yourself you leave part of you behind. With the best intention I kind of did that a few years back. I thought attachment to “my story” would only have been from the ego and I did my best to set it aside and not feel attached to it any longer. Even as I look at the “about” section and “my story” page within it on my blog I realize that although what I wrote seemed like truth for me at the time, it isn’t quite all there really. It’s some words I thought wouldn’t offend anyone or ruffle any feathers or take me down the attachment to old wounds road. I did acknowledge that I wasn’t really into my story anymore and offered a brief one anyway. I can see now that there will be some editing to be done in the future. I won’t scrap the old one, I’ll just keep updating it with the journey and the willingness to do so becomes my real story.

I do love being old enough now to lean back and see how everything has worked in my life so far and I couldn’t feel more grateful for all of the life lessons. I can feel the evolution of things and the miracles and beautiful way they fit together are astounding. I love the tough stuff as much as the rest; even more perhaps. Although, it is nice that my “problems” are much more tolerable these days than they once were and my more recent stories never end with a traumatic and awkward twist as the old ones sometimes do. 🙂 Over the last year I realized that I had abandoned a part of me that needed some nurturing. Many things happened that opened old wounds and took me back to remembering things I had blocked out and practically forgotten. I recently felt so deeply that I needed to nurture that version I had abandoned. I hate the idea of the wounded inner child dominating the future or even one moment of the Now we are truly meant to live though, so I was at a bit of a crossroads trying to figure it out.

I accidentally (there are no accidents) stared a childhood monster in the face via a mug shot on the internet recently. I found myself completely reacquainted with the frightened little girl who once lived inside me that I had known so well. Being somewhat comforted at the thought that that particular monster couldn’t get me anymore and realizing that I had been living with some fear of that happening someday, I quickly found a brave side of me allow myself to reach out to forgotten family members and lost childhood relationships I may have been able to have without that fear. A baby-step reach out, but at least something. I realized how much family I have lost over the years for various reasons. I remembered things I had completely forgotten. I knew there was work to be done to help me circle back and nurture my abandoned self while maintaining all the presence and wisdom from the many years of constantly seeking evolution since.

I’d been reading various things and one book had suggested recalling your specific hell-and-back to identify your tribe and the specific things you could help others through. In fact, these sentiments may have started the whole remembering process and “accidental” confrontation of old trauma. I knew that my future and my finding and answering my true calling depended on my willingness to look at the past with healthy detachment without outright abandonment of the wounded self. So there I was working with the past three books, making my own so-called workbook to really live the lessons I was learning. I was building confidence and praying for presence and consciousness while recalling and reliving old trauma with the intention to bring healing to myself and others all the while.

In comes… the Artist’s Way. A Lifeline! Pure Love from the Universe!

I am indeed very grateful for this blessing that came into my life several years ago called the Artist’s Way. It was given to me by a dear friend and sat patiently on my shelf for over six years or so. A few weeks ago it was pulsating on the shelf and screaming at me to pull it down and experience it. I had already chosen my next read, but felt the pull towards it so strongly as I randomly walked past the bookshelves that night. Thank goodness I listened and felt all that the Universe was trying to bless me with.

I knew nothing of what the book was about, it hadn’t really spoken to me when I first received it and from then on it simply looked pretty on the shelf. It had never been the right time. From the second I grabbed it that night, I knew it was meant for me now at just the right time. It turns out that it is a twelve week endeavor to recover your creative self. It is hard for me to put into words just how perfect it is for me now.

As I said, the whole wounded inner child thing really turns me off and feels like a step back rather than forward. However, as I have shared, I knew there was work along those lines to be done and I was (and still am) willing to do it. This gift of the Artist’s Way is so lovely. It matches my best intentions perfectly and provides the path that is in line with all I have studied so hard for the past ten years and all that I have lived through before. It will allow the nurturing of my inner child with the beautiful intent of recovering the creative being that dwells within…within me and within us all.

It would be more words than anyone has time to read to describe all that it is. I can do so over the next few months hopefully. I’ll just say that I signed the contract. I’m in it to finish it. I already know that the “morning pages” and the “artist’s dates” I’ve committed to are life changing endeavors. I am so excited to share more as I go. I couldn’t feel more blessed than I do to see the perfection in this gift from the Universe at this time. I am never ever at a loss for words, but to even try to describe the hundreds of synchronicities and dots connecting and showing up as miracles and Universe hugs making this process available to me right now would be impossible. The wordless acceptance is much better. “Thank you” is thing that feels perfect to say about it so far.

My dear friend that gave me the book years ago is going through the process with me now. What a gift! I had one friend say with enthusiasm that she had gone through it years ago but didn’t finish it. I encouraged her to do it again, knowing that we experience things so differently as we change and grow. I sent a copy to a friend on Monday, just this moment another friend sent a photo of her copy that had just arrived in the mail after we recently discussed it. Such a blessing! I recently purchased the version that is written for parents in hopes of also bringing more creativity to my children’s lives. I welcome the opportunity to hear from anyone that has been blessed by this course/book. Do tell me how it showed up in your life if it has. Join me on the journey if you like! We are all creative beings. We are all artists creating our lives. We can bring our creative selves and more creativity to whatever it is we spend our time doing. It is all Art! Our Life is the canvas.

In a sense, as we are creative beings, our lives become our work of art. –Julia Cameron, the Artist’s Way

I hope to post about “the morning pages” soon. I wish the blessing that they are for everyone! If you’re at all intrigued, just search “the morning pages” and see for yourself. Fun!

Sending love and joy today and always! Wishing us all time with our creative artist within!